Should I forgive him?

I broke up with someone for second time for same reason. He is fickle. He pursues me hard then when he feels close he freaks out and backs off. I may not hear from him for days or even a week then he slowly comes out again and the routine starts back up again.





I get it. He's scared, by his own admission. He went through a nasty divorce a couple years ago and hasn't dated until he met me. His issue ~ not mine. I really like him when he is warm and courageous but I really don't want games and drama in my life. Period.





I received a house full of flowers ~ no kidding, about $3000 (delivery person unwillingly confessed) ~ and an "I'm sorry blah blah blah" card.





Should I give him one more chance or piss on the flowers and stick to my SECOND break up? I kid you not, I have four rooms FULL of flowers and it's not like I can return the "gift". What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I don't want to be an @ss!

Should I forgive him?
He may need to go through a few relationships before he figures out what exactly he wants. If you don't want to break up with him a third time, then make the second one stick.
Reply:Invite him over and sit in the midst of the flowers and tell him take a look around. He has a choice to make; be open and communicate with you; when he starts to panic, feel the fear and do it anyway. Talk to you and let you know what he's feeling and why. Either that or be prepared to top this (the house of flowers) next time.





I'd forgive him. He's ovbiously really interested in you but sometimes our spirit and sense of self is so shaken after a bad relationship that we doubt ourselves and we let the fear overtake us.





Tell him you're prepared to take things as slowly as he needs to make him comfortable; and don't just say that, mean it. Don't say that then get pissed at him when he takes a step forward and two back, you can seethe inside, gently call him on it and get things back on track. Take it in stride and he'll soon come to realize he has nothing to fear.





It's gonna be hard initially but don't become easily discouraged; it may seem like a bit much to do but the truth of the matter is that if he's worth it to you, roll your sleeves up and fight for it.





Sounds like a nice guy who just had a rough time and is scared about how strongly he feels for you because where he may not readily admit it a guy's heart can easily be broken too.





Good luck!
Reply:You have to weigh it up in your mind, Yo. Do you think he'll get over it given enough time? If so, how long are you willing to wait for him to come around? And why didn't he buy you some jewelry with that cash?





In the end, only you can make this decision. Advice is good, but ultimately you are the one who has to live with the choice. Take a look inside yourself. What does your gut tell you?





Hoping the best for you, Yo.
Reply:Huh... thats a tuff one... most of the time when an individual keeps doing the same thing acceptance of them is almost the same as permission to do it again... but... he seems pretty into you. I would take him back one more time and let it be known that it is the final shot at your heart. But... who am I to say...





Good luk and I hope you find the love you never even imagined.
Reply:$3000 dollars worth of flowers is a sign of danger to me, not love. I'd run.
Reply:Sounds like another post I just read.


The decision on whether or not to give him another chance, is one only you can make. He is trying to buy that chance with the flowers he sent, so you should consider whether you are for sale or not. Many men have these issues, some never get over it, especially if they are enabled by women who constantly forgive and forget. They fall into a pattern of getting close and pulling away until you wonder who is the nutty one, them for acting that way, or you for forgiving them.





Just got out of the same kind of relationship. One minute he would be loving and wanted me to be with him all the time, and the next he would begin to snap and snarl and tell me he had nothing left for me and we could be only friends......No one who is rational can stay on that kind of emotional roller-coaster for long. (And yes, he left gifts at my home when he had decided he wanted me back.)





PS. In the future, please know that you do not have to accept a gift such as this if it makes you uncomfortable. Just tell the delivery person that you can't accept it and shut the door.
Reply:if you like, indecisive and headaches and worry relationship then go for it. but if you want some decisive relationship then move on..
Reply:i think you should apparently he really likes you so tell him that it's the LAST chance he's getting
Reply:I spent most of my 20's waiting for a man to get over his 'issues'. And he did- with someone else. That 'come here / go away--push / pull' thing is toxic. Holding out for the potential in a relationship will keep you from actually having one with someone that appreciates and values you. Run, run fast.
Reply:This guy blows $3k on flowers - like you are in some kind of movie? Gift the flowers to a church for someone's funeral/wedding and drop his dumb ***!
Reply:Open the lid... dump the trash... close the lid.





[][][] r u randy [][][]


.
Reply:Yo, I believe she is right above me, Screen Siren.


I like her answer, so mine doesnt have to be drawn out.


Communicate and forgive.


Love ya


Angi
Reply:well i think he dont kno what he really wants


every1 deserves a second chance i gave my ex 2 many chances he blew it..


i think it should be no more than 2 chances.. n uv already given him a second chance.. 4give him and be mates maybe it work that way?
Reply:$3000 worth flowers??? Oh my goodness!!! Your house must smell lovely!!


hmm You should take a break for at least 6 months and see how it goes.
Reply:Take the flowers out of the equation for a moment. Can you make it work with him? Or better, can he make it work for himself? I would tell you not to give it another shot if you don't believe he is the type that will change.


The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person. He hasn't taken care of his baggage from his marriage/divorce.


The flowers are him trying to buy forgiveness.
Reply:He is an extremist, run for the hills.








And check your state websites for any civil litigation against him and see how many restraining orders he may have against him...
Reply:Well, first off, that's an awfully sweet thing to do!


But are flowers supposed to show that he is a changed person? That he won't pull another little stunt again?


If he decides to apologize to you in person, then there's a little more hope for him.


I mean, I can't make the decision for you. I'm sure there are a lot of things you hate and love about him. And it's time see which one outweighs the other.


If he isn't ready to commit, then maybe he isn't ready for the relationship at all. Ask him why you should give him another chance. Why you should believe him THIS time. Why he's allowed to continuously play these little games.


As for the flowers, you can let them wither away in your house. Give them to a friend. Do a good deed, and give it to a stranger :)








BEST OF LUCK!
Reply:Hi Peas, he's controlling you. He's manipulative. This is not a relationship where you have a part to play other than he is in charge of when he sees you and when he doesn't. I'd stick with not seeing him any more. Get yourself balanced in your own life and attract a guy who is attracted to your balance and he himself will be on a par with you. If you're allowing this manipulator to pull your strings, then something in you needs that. Say no more neediness of manipulator's in my life and enjoy you life. F*** the flowers. He thrives on dramas. Is that what you really want to do for the rest of your life with him? It's always your choice.
Reply:Cut flowers are love cut down in their prime. They will soon wither and fade just as his apology. This has already been seen in the past. Do you wish or need to relearn this lesson again? Realize what this person is and then determine on which level you may love him. The end of suffering can not be purchased and certainly not for $3000 of dying flowers. You desire and deserve so much more.
Reply:I wouldn't be impressed by the money spent on the flowers. How about instead of spending that much money on cut flowers that are going to die in a few days, put some effort into fixing what needs fixed so you guys can be happy together?





I can't tell you what to do, but I don't do multiple breakups. You lose respect for yourself, and others lose respect for you, when you go back and forth over and over like that. It's pointless and exhausting.
Reply:these are his problems not yours and he is acting childish by doing something that has made you dump him not once but twice, a little saying here is fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.


you can take him back if you want to but you should make him work for your trust again over a much longer time but if you don't take him back you can find someone more capable of having a relationship or a toyboy, ive seen pics of you from your blog and you can get anyone you want i imagine.


the amount of money he has spent on the flowers seems to me to be a way to apear as though he is sorry, the more you do something the more right it must be sort of mind set, but throwing money away on something which may be nice but very inconvenient especially when the money could of been used on better things such as a romantic weekend to paris seems he just wanted the easy option without to much effort, and he could of just goten one or two and brought it himself and begged for forgiveness.


personally i would if in your shoes would let him do his own thing and move on with your own life.


if it causes you suffering let it go.